Tom the oceanhippie's Blog

CSI Darwin - The Great Lynx Heist

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 06:13:47 GMT

Who Stole Tom's Deodorant? Police investigating a simple deodorant theft in the Top End have uncovered links to major international organized crime gang thought Australia and Southern Germany. Uncovering a web of corruption spanning the globe. Rigging of horse races, dodgy meat raffles and cars for hire. Central to Police investigations are the notorious horse traders from Southern Germany. Inspector Tom of the Yard, believes Moonlight Moonie and Queen Margie did it, and is hoping to Extradite the infamous Moonie who has fled to her hideaway in Germany for questioning in August in relation to the deodorant theft. Image Right: Moonlight Moonie and Queen Margie on Fannie Bay Race Day, the Jockey Club is still investigating "suspicious betting patterns" "Queen Margie" Wanted for running illegal meat raffles in the Darwin area, Margie is Moonie's partner in crime. Margie's car detailing skills are said to be so good that the Crime Scene Investigation Divisions say "after she's cleaned a car even we can't get any evidence out of it" "Moonlight Moonie" Ringleader of an infamous German Horse Russling gang. The nick name "Moonlight" comes her moonlighting as a taxi driver. Acting as transporter for notorious "Gettaway Jimmy" she picked up 3 boguns who thought she was a Taxi rather than the "clients". As well as the ringleaders police are investing various known associates of the Gang in the Darwin area: "Gettaway Jimmy" know associate of the Girls, Gettaway Jimmy is Godfather of the Country King Browns and is know to provide "Vehicles for any Job, no questions asked" throughout the Top End. Chrisshhtina. "Horse Breaker" Though her involvement in the crime is yet to be established her long association with Moonie and Margie and her recent departure to Thailand, a country where no extraction treaties exist is considered suspicious. Damo "Fridge Cracker" Notorious for being able gain to access any fridge anywhere, any-time. No mater how you secure you think your leftover pizza it will be gone by morning. John, "The Mechanic" Darwin's well known Mr Fixit. An anonymous source is quoted as saying "If I wanted a shipment of Lynx on the back of a road train and across the boarder into the lawless reaches of outback New South Wales I'd go to John"

Belated and benighted blog

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 08:55:35 GMT

Firstly I am on a train in the UK, its expensive and late. Woot. I'm in first class, cos its cheaper. Which like much of the UK is insane. Apparently Revenue Protection Barriers are in place between Oxenholme and Preston. Fortunately I used to live in this benighted country and as my friends will tell you speak fluent bollocks. Even I'm slightly confused by this one I'm going to take a punt and say they're checking tickets. This seems blatantly unfair since booking a ticket is well nigh impossible. I know I tried it. It may have been the the trainline.com's dubious business practices, or good old fashioned incompetence. Probably both. Suffice to say that after I hit pay entered my financial details it just stopped with no error, forcing me to log in to my internet bank email and various other attempts to work out what happened. Then finally ring their expensive number and have some, competent, Indian sort it out for me. Mysteriously my UK debit card (which works fine) was rejected and I was forced to pay the credit card surcharge, same system same UK bank. I can only conclude that the Great British business plan is to accidentally on purpose fleece you. Would all person's reading this note, the trainline made me use a 2 years + dormant account full of my details, and since their website doesn't work I can safely say their are not competent to be looking after such data. Don't touch them with a forty foot pole. Horribly Unfair Look at the UK England My opinion has been changed on Scottish Independence get out while you still can. England is mad, bad and stupid and the coffee's lousy. I've not had decent cup since I landed. Truck City in Berimma has better coffee, and that's truck stop. You know those tiny little pots of UHT-Possibly-Milk? I've not seen one for 2 years don't miss them at all. To be a little fair to thetrainline.com my card has been operating a little erratically. That and the cashpoint this morning was in maintenance mode or something, but my general impression is thinks work less well here even than Darwin, which since by British standards is small town and in the arse end of nowhere is frankly pathetic. Oooh the announcer has just prattled on about Revenoo Protection Barriers again. Nice. Yes the trains late, yes the ticket was expensive and harder to obtain than Plutonium but the sandwich, free sandwich was edible (looked posh, wasn't) the wifi works and is free the free beer is Mastons not Fosters and the lousy coffee is free. Why? Why? there are three people running up and down the coach non stop, one with a trolley, one with coffee and one with Tea. It makes less sence. How come the train is late, and yet they manage to keep it stocked with beer coffee and sandwiches to give me free when an Economy ticket was pound;15 more. While the cabin crew try and give me free stuff the announcer is asking people to "not put bags or jackets on the seats" "Were having a real problem with dirty seats" so they're quite happy to have 3 - oooh she's new, 4 people give me free stuff but not clean the seats. Your Country is Insane! And freezing cold, and probably in worse straights than you realise. The sheer number of older folks in Sedbergh brought it home to me. There are very few in Darwin, the lady next to Mum's house's Daughter moved to Cyprus most of my friends from my generation are splattered though out the globe, the lady across the road's son has been working in NZ for a year. Darwin has few old people - young people are too buisy moving into it. England is banging on about immigration as usual, and meanwhile the educated, skilled are leaving and the old and the unskilled are left behind as far as I can see. Scary stuff. Other stuff I don't miss Driving on Motorways, listening to some poor Old Lady "saying it took my 20p and didn't open" to the huge Berlin wall style steel electric wheel chair capable barrier out side the Public Loo in Kendal. Given Kendal's small size the sheer scale of the thing + the (obviously required) maintenance and the pathetic revenue, which is presumably collected, accounted for and banked the running costs must be so high I'll bet good money you could open another toilet block, and pay to have it cleaned for less money than the stupid barrier costs. If it makes money I will gladly eat the the next railway sandwich out of the Kendal Lav's Urinal. Like sheep to the Slaughter I'm pretty sure that a barrier like the one above wouldn't survive its first 20p swallowing in Darwin, People of Kendal if the barrier rejects your 20p or swallows it your are perfectly entitled to break in, if fact your are moral obliged to do so. If you don't your robot toilet barrier masters and the idiots that commissioned them will rule your lives for ever. Oh there go Blondie the coffee lady and Ginger with the Tea. If my typing goes its the blood in caffeine and alcohol stream. Where's sandwich man and beer lady? Oh here comes beer lady, mine a Pedigree love. I give up, I'm going home to the drink drivers lethal weather and killer wildlife it makes more sense.

Bah Humbug

Sat, 17 Dec 2011 01:07:23 GMT

Its Christmas, traditional time for shopping, I've not bought a luxury for 2 years. The last was a hard disk to take on my travels. Been to play at Harvey Norman (Dixons with furniture) JB Hifi (Richer Sounds and HMV's bastard child), and Dick Smith (maplins meets Dixons). "Ordinary dodges, such as reformatting the hard disk(s) and starting again, are ineffective. Cruft has soaked intothe very fabric of the machine, and it should be disposed of safely at a government-approved facility. There it will be encased in cruft-resistant glass and buried in a residential district."Source: Verity Stobb's "State of Decay" You can't have what you want What I want is a New IBM Series laptop - as mine current one is beginning show its age and develop cruft, despite a clean windows install. I can't have one. the Xseries as me and many others had come to know and love ended with the X61. Now they're too small too fiddly and have a tiny wide-screen on them, and made by lenovo now. There still fantastically expensive, up to the x61 the main letter keys were fullsize and comfy, with a palm rest the new ones are TOO small. IBM didn't do anything as crass as actually sell them to the public. We had to get them second hand off Ebay, thank god, the brand new price would give you a heart attack. I should know I've had an x20, an x30 and my nearly three years second hand x61. The x30 I gave away in working order to a mate, the x20 got left in a corner for a year and was still working when I got rid of it. This laptop, an x61 bought for the princely sum of pound;310 second hand off Ebay in February 2009 arrived in the post in bubblewrap, has fallen off a bike with me on the way back from Brighton SC, Sailed the pacific, been 20m above a cattle yard in a cherry picker, on roofs, 400km down a dirt road in the back of a ute. 15,000kms by back packer van, crossed bass strait, 24,000km by sea, been under and over Sydney Harbour Bridge taken dozens of high speed drunken dinghy rides and is fithy and rusty, the keys are worn shiny and the nipple is distorted and balder than I am. Now I can forgive it if its docking stations network card is a bit dicky and sometimes it can't find its CD rom. Its had a hard life. Why didn't they make a newer version? Yes its butt ugly, has a nipple instead of a mouse, but its like it predecessor the best keyboard of any laptop I've ever had the pleasure to type on. The New "utlrabooks" as they're calling the mac book air copies, are also the X series descendants, are pretty damn fabulous. Solid metal (in the Case of the ASUS's which looks bloody fantastic). The difference between them and the Mac book air. The keyboards are bloody dreadful, the Acer ultrabook one is the worsed I ever touched. The buttons on ATMs are better. The ASUS is better but only in the same way herpes is better than summary execution. EDIT: I had another go on it today, its not quite as bad as herpes - but I'm glad to be typing this on the ThinkPad. Widescreen? Smidescreen. As my friend Pete is won' to say "what f%$@pound;g idiot designed that". Only he does it in the verbal equivalent of shouty caps. Widscreen if fine for a telly, but usless for 99% of computer use. A 4:3 screen is a wide-screen monitor with the windows tool bars taskbar etc top an bottom. Only when they come up with a windscreen OS will it make sense. For instance my old old laptop the x20 had a screen resolution of 1024x768. The new breeds of ultra small typically have a 1366x768 screen. Windows 7 has increased the size of both the task bar, an the tops of the windows. leaving nothing left to type into. Oh sorry, If forgot, they're consumer devices your supposed to consume on them I.E. watch movies. Tablets The iPad is a toy, I've owned one in effect my iPod touch, may it know peace in Davey Jones' locker, its essentially the same gadget. It can't connect to anything, store files, connect to peripherals. And its tethered to iTunes a piece of software so unspeakably dreadful it might actually be improved by Micro$oft. The Apple ball and chain. I googled "Apple Lawyer" and got this guy.Latest Purchase "Gurrning for Dummies" The Galaxy Tab has been blocked by apple's legal dept from Australia till last week. And thought they may be selling 'em in Sydney they're not on display in the top end. I can't play with Matt's, may it rest in peace in Davey Jones' Locker. But apparently you can get a serial connector for them. They've slavishly coppied the iPad, so you can't connect anything else too them. Half of of the ones one could fiddle with in Harvey Norman were running windows 7. For God's sake DON'T. Windows 7's to all intensive purposes the same interface as windows 95. Its designed? (by copying apple badly) for a duel core or better PC with a mouse and a keyboard. If you are asked to choose between summary execution and a win7 tablet, choose summary execution. M$ is working its pretty bottom off on win8 for tablets, copying windows phone7, you know how successful that has been. If you must buy a win tablet (don't) wait for win8. There was a sony android tablet on show, felt like something form a pound store, plasticy, ugly with buttons that looked like they'ed already fallen off an been glued back on. I did get to play with the eee Transformer and the iconia, the eee slider and Zoom or possibly xoom. The xoom is another copy of a iPad but with some plugs and slots. HDMI and sd card slots are on all, the eeesliders bulkier. And awkward to unfold/slide. The keyboard once extracted is surprisingly good, oh and with a firmware update or 2, maybe even an Ice Cream sandwich its full size USB port will offer host support. IE you plug stuff into it, not it into Itunes. Gives Apple the finger. All the ones I fondled were running Android 3 or 3.1 in the shops most had a filemanager icon already built and in a test copy proved intuitive and easy. This was never going to be problem, my android phone can do that and Cifis* too. I'd say "stuff your Ipad and smoke it", but its impossible to stuff anything in an iPad. Irritatingly the only eee Transformer with the keyboard dock which I was very keen to try was in Harvey Moron and didn't work. No Power I think. After some research and some hands on I'm gonna stick with my crufty X61, manually assigning drive letters to USB sticks, wait save up and buy a the new eee transformer prime, with its frankly awesome keyboard dock with extra battery and full USB port and soon Ice Cream Sandwitch. Hell with features like the dock dumping its battery into the tablet if the tablets empty even when off line so you can take it away its sounds mighty attractive and clever too boot. So no Xmas pressie for me :-( hopefully that will make all my friends feel better cos I've not got you one either with the Exception of my God son, who's pressie is in the post, and his parents are NOT going to like. *For non geeks "cifs" is an acronym what it stands for nobody knows. Its "Micro$oft Windows File and Print Sharing" this such a mouth full that everyone was calling it smb or samba after the open source project that allows linux/bsd/unix/osx to talk to windows pc over the network. This was obviously a bit of a fail from a M$ marketing point of view so there's obviously been a memo at redmond to re-brand it as cifs co I've only recently come across the term. Its working too last time I typed mount -t smbfs into linux it told me to type mount -t cifs instead...

Your life Jacket is under Your Seat

Sat, 19 Nov 2011 22:36:16 GMT

It won't do me any good cos there's not enough water down their to brew a cup of tea from. I'm flying over the driest continent on Earth, just what I need if we crash in the bush I mean the Simpson Desert speaks for its self, so does the Painted Desert, the Great Artesian basin means putting boreholes thousands of feet down to find water, the Todd River may sound wet but know a Canadian who slept in it. It only runs occasionally, every 20 years or so. lake Eyrie again, was actually wet last wet season, but no usually its dry too. Might as well be on Mars. Therefore life jacket is probably in case of freak spillage of the drinks trolley. Possibly caused by a lanky pom with his feet sticking out tripping up a stewardess, again. In answer to your question of where the F'in hell am I off to this time, well Melbourne for a course I R now certified to do netapp. If you don't know what I mean, don't worry unless your both very rich and very techy your not going to come across one. Melbourne, is a nice place, cold its cold - comparatively. 7 degrees one morning, or an English summer lower than I'm used too. It was also raining when I left, in the English style. Medium heavy, I-could-do-this-all-day sort of rain. The sort you remember from your last holiday in Wales. Not like the Darwin rain which is less like air with water droplets in it and more like a lake with air bubbles. When a storm comes through It can dump a Cornish summer holiday's worth of rain in a few minutes. Below the plane now is sand dunes, rippling away, red obviously. And another dry lake on the horizon. OK, I admint that aumucst the dunes is a river with some bilabongs with water in it.....

The Master Race

Sat, 29 Oct 2011 23:56:01 GMT

Southern softies need not apply The following is an article from today's 'The Sunday Territorian', sister paper of the Croc-tastic NT news (Croc's, nudity and ute crashes a speciality). original is here. THE naturalist Charles Darwin observed that when confronted with a hostile and unlivable environment, organisms would mutate into strange new species never before seen on the planet. While controversial when it was first published, this theory does explain the existence of Territorians. It is fitting that the city that bears Darwin's name is also the home of a new master race that spends most of its waking hours trying to figure out how to keep beer cold. There are many reasons why Darwinians need to get as drunk as they can as often as possible. Chief among them being the inherent torment of living in Darwin. The city lives in an endless summer and it would be difficult to tell the seasons apart were it not for the fact that in one of them it never rains and in the other it never stops raining. Either way though, it is always hot and so the city is lucky to be surrounded by beautiful beaches. Not only that, but the water is a divine shade of blue and the perfect temperature for swimming. Indeed, the only slight drawback is that it is filled with man-eating crocodiles, deadly box jellyfish and the occasional killer shark. Of course the Darwinians weren't the first to conceive of a place that was unbearably hot and filled with water you couldn't touch. The Ancient Greeks had a similar place - Hades. Having said that, many Darwin residents do still go in the water during the months when there are not huge swarms of jellyfish.At that time all you are risking is being mauled by a crocodile, which is a deeply traumatic experience but still marginally more pleasant than staying at Darwin Casino. Indeed, the Territory is home to thousands of these leather-skinned old dinosaurs (and there also quite a few crocodiles as well). The crocodiles like to do pretty much what all the locals do, which is to say hang-out in backyard pools eating anything that's within reach.It is perhaps for this reason that Territorians not only tolerate crocodiles but actively encourage them. For starters, there is a ban on people hunting crocodiles - a courtesy, it should be noted, that crocodiles do not extend to people. This means that the crocs have learnt to no longer fear humans and are probably starting to wonder why they were ever afraid of us in the first place. Jumping Crocs (my Pic) But not satisfied with one-sided existence, Territorians have now taught crocodiles to actively seek out humans as a source of regular food. Thanks to the "jumping crocs" phenomenon, these giant killing machines have been trained to think that if they are hungry they just have to listen for the sound of a small tinnie crammed with people, swim up right beside it, leap out of the water with their jaws wide open as close to the humans as possible.What could possibly go wrong?In many other jurisdictions, questions would be raised about the wisdom of this practice, however in the Territory it is considered not only harmless but also a viable business plan. Few other places in the world have decided that the best drawcard for tourists is to lure them to the middle of nowhere and then almost get them killed, but this is typical of the unique genius Territorians have evolved. Not only does the strategy work, but from a Territorian's point of view it is failsafe: If the tourist survives, they get more money to buy beer, whereas if the tourist gets eaten ... Who cares? They're a tourist. Southerners do not think in this way, which is why they are also regarded by Territorians as foreigners and thus slightly below crocodiles. Indeed, it is important to remember when visiting the Northern Territory that it is they who think you are a bit slow. A typical example of this was one local boating enthusiast who expressed his disbelief that the authorised study of crocodiles was left to "so-called scientists" and not his moustachioed offsider, who appeared to have just drunk a bottle of Southern Comfort and was now face deep in a huge bowl of spaghetti. Indeed, it cannot be denied that just to have survived into adulthood in the Territory is a fairly impressive feat. It is only slightly less difficult than surviving a night at the Casino (which, for example, requires guests to sign a waiver before they open the balcony door).Indeed, I was surprised to be told that the hotel was actually rated five stars, until I found out this was out of a possible 10. The fact of the matter is that Darwin is just too tough a place for regular humans. If the crocodiles don't destroy you then the architecture certainly will. It's a wild nonsensical town full of mad alcoholics. And I'm sure there are bad things about it, too.

Musings dept EU - from the far side of the world.

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 00:14:55 GMT

The Guardian had (yes I still read the guardian sometimes even over here) an article discussing the UK leaving Europe. Made me think. Now the UK would be dumb to leave. But the question that occurred to me is would they miss us(you). I'm thinking not, the EU has its failings not just the current troubles. One spectacular one its the amount of compromise that's required to get 27 countries to agree on anything and if you rated the counties in the EU most likey to say "NO" in big shouty caps to anything its the UK. You are the Ian Paisley of Europe. The UK's not in the EU. If it did leave it would presumably want to be in the EEA or AEU - the smegging "common market" trade thingy structure. Which still forces the UK to pay and to obey laws. Just not change them. That would almost certainly please the Germans, and the French. UK daily mail readers are probably

Coming Home.

Sun, 25 Sep 2011 06:41:32 GMT

OK, been playing certain cards close to my chest for a while now. Been trying to get a Work Visa for Australia. After 15 years in Brighton (give or take a few trips around the world) was, well maybe not too long but enough - I can't imagine living anywhere else in the UK but I felt I was marking time. I've spend so long in the tropics in one island or another. It seems like home now. Now as a geek my employment options were kind of limited in small paradise islands, and hell I like Australia - think the outback may actually beat the ocean, In fact I recently turned down a perfectly comfy yacht for the back of my van. Some of your may have asked "what the pound;#$$^} pound;#$* is Tom doing in the Philippines, or even Hong Kong. Well you would if you'd know. It turns out that for god knows how long Facebook as been posting my tweets, the main way I update it, set to me only. I've decided to punish them by not going on it for a week at least. I was punishing it any way for being crap and annoying the absence of updates only came to light when I tried to turn them off. A Pox on facebook and all its works. There was a day when people who were interested came here to find out what I was doing. I miss those days. I'll admit honestly my friends are much better at reading my Blog than I am of reading theirs. Sorry. Since I'm off facebook this week maybe I'll catch up. Brighton*: Population: 256,600Area: 87.54Km2(Whole uk: 241,590)Northern Territories Population: 229,675Area: 1,349,129km2* Includes the suburb of Hove Anyway I digress, I'm now the proud owner of a big sticker in my passport saying "Temporary Resident", and home is where my hat is from: Darwin, the top end of the Northern Territories (whole population less than Brighton 5 times the size of the UK). I like Darwin, compared to the other major cities of Australia its pretty small. Historically its had a rought time, in 1942 it was heavily bombed by the Japanese, who couldn't reach any of the Big southern cities. Its also bloomin hot, the build-up is really starting and I'm not shacked up in an air conditioned palace - yet. More a 20 year old van in the back of a shed (still). But am now being paid, which is good cos my rego's due - must go and get some steering fluid leak stop from repco before they close. Need a couple of tires, sorry right sized tires - my spare is good - a different size to the rest, but good. The one I got off my boss is a third size. Damn. Repco - A kind of competent halfords. Rego - Car Tax come MOT (inc minimum third party insurance) Build-up Darwin has 2 1/2 seasons . Dry May to Sept ish. Wet Nov to may. The bit in the middle I.E. Now is called the build up. Temp rises, but more to the point it gets humid VERY hummid.

Hong Kong

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 10:47:51 GMT

Mid Levels Elevators Coming soon What Makes a great city? Brighton's a city, though I don't really think of it as one, nor does it feel like one. Manila's a proper city, but its not great. You need several things to make a city great. To stand out from the crowd. A setting helps, I'll grant you Brighton has this, nestled between the Downs and the sea like a great amphitheatre. Manila doesn't really mange it. Melbourne is supposed to be one of the nicest places to live on the world, but not to my mind great, Adelaide is a fantastically beautiful city. The centre is ringed by lovely parks and rivers. It misses out to. Quirks are important, transport is one. London has something special. Yes other places have mas transit systems but none have the style of the tube. Many are (Hong Kong's for example) are faster, cleaner, and far more efficient but they don't have the character. Route masters and red post boxes - something that makes it stand out is required. Quirky transport helps. Manila has this the Jeepnees. Panama has it with is catholic 'n' bling converted American school buses. But misses out on the setting and another pre-requisite. Architecture - quirky but taste full helps. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder I know. But every now and again something stands out. Tower Bridge, the Opera House in Sydney, the statue of liberty, the Eiffel tower. You can throw out pretty much all the skyscrapers they're too many of them. A great city need to have all of these things. Old does help but doesn't cut it. How many times in movies has the skyline of LA been used? Eugh, looks horrible. The Hollywood sign yes, but the massive grid of horrid skyscrapers puts me right off. Looks like a badly over played game of sim city. Night View Hong Kong makes the cut. The hills on the island and behind Kowloon hem in the skyscrapers the looming bridges in the heat haze. The over size funicular railway up the peak, the star ferry and the mish mash of skyscrapers at all angles with the web of flyovers and walkways nestling under the hills. The escalator, the mid levels escalator. A crooked corridor of escalators ascending the hills crossing some streets flying over others. Only Sydney and its Harbour, bridge and opera house have made more of an impression. Few cities can you enjoy by doing nothing. The high rises of LA I was just vomiting over seem to work here. They have an organic quality rising at all angles out of the hillsides. in short I like it. More to follow. Video's and pics in production.

Lost in Transit

Sat, 03 Sep 2011 10:17:25 GMT

Banaue Rice Terraces OK I'm at "Clark", that's Manilla's second airport. Yes Manila, its a "Ryanairport" which means its so far from Manila its takes two hours on the bus. Public Transport in the Philippines is cheap. The price you pay for cheap is slightly unreliable. I have been told do not return to Manila the day before our flight out as frequently you may be a day late. Why? Why Manila or why Clark? the answer to both is I am lost in Transit unwilling to go home, this may sound dreamy, its remarkably complicated. My Australian Visa is being processed, and no word yet on when or possibly even if that process with be over. and if you stay more than 3 weeks in the Philippines you must extend your visa. Problem extension costs about pound;35 quid. Problem 2 Flight to Hong Kong * Exit Tax + bus < pound;35 Quid. So here's me at Clark Airport with a ticket on Tiger Airways (currently grounded by the Australian Aviation Authorities for safety concerns). Why do I always try and Solve a problem with travel. Not sure what to do? Move on to the next place. Now the Philippines were a semi randomly chosen destination, I wasn't going to fly home to England till I hear from the Australians - too expensive. Other options included Ho Chi Min City. Formally know as Saigon, but you need a visa for that. Singapore, Malaysia and Bali. All of which I've been to before. Much as I like Malaysia - with out Mei or family as culinary guide it might end up being a disappointment after the last trip. So Hong Kong it is, its going to me more expensive and the maths doesn't stack up in reality, but a return ticket for the price of 2 crates of XXXX Gold, return? Oh yes have further bureaucratic woes in the form of "You may not fly to the Philippines without proof of onward travel". Known better as the you must have a return ticket immigration rule. I should have thought of this before the check in desk, I've run foul of this rule before. I've waved various Grubby E-Mails at immigration officers with Yacht names on them in small island nations the world over. As soon as you mention "Yacht" they usually give up and wave you though, unfortunately the canny buggers here have passed the responsibility to the air lines who made my buy a ticket despite me not knowing what date I was going to fly back. Transport in the Philippenes So the Philippines are behind my, but I'll be coming back. Hopefully. Tonight Hong Kong. Internet was out in Manila this morning and though a briefly saw a working wifi signal in the lobby there's none here in departures, so no way of booking accommodation in Hong Kong, seems to be there are several backpackers I Kowloon, and have train instructions. Will see how it goes. Home less in Hong Kong. No worries. I assume its wet season there too and quiet. I hope.

2 men in a boat.

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 18:28:35 GMT

Well its just after sunup, 11deg; from the equator, I'm wearing jeans and 2 jumpers, and I still have cold feet. Dawn In the Territories Pete's American and a fan of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or jam as we call it I like Vegemite on toast. He says Tomaito I say Tomarto. I refuse to call biscuits cookies. Yesterday we broke a bit of boat. I had a broken kicker, he had a broken vang. I think we may have to call the whole thing off. I never get seasick, however, I cannot stand the smell of peanut butter It makes me sick. He can't stand Vegimite. We have to make our own sandwiches. On a completely separate note the French - famous for their culinary ability have been brung low by the modern world and live entirely on Nuttella sandwiches these days, hours of fun can be had chasing French backpackers with a piece of Vegemite on toast, they universally fear the stuff and will run screaming has you wave it like a pikeman at Agincourt. Pete's been married to Margie for a long time. When I came aboard, he, I thought, optimistically said "Can you cook?" I said "no" - I'm not suicidal. Actually I can cook, quite well compared to Pete, we're doing OK. Margie, Margie, Margie you've been far far too good to him. Margie's spoiled him rotten, she does all the cooking, and even brings him breakfast in bed. I'm blowed if I'm doing that. Last night's dinner was roast potatoes tinned carrots and fresh Tuna fried in butter garlic and onions. I cooked that. I gutted it as well, Pete did the filleting. Neither me or Pete are much cop at cleaning fish it was a long and traumatic operation - with with VHF radio support from easy rider and Aussie catamaran anchored in the same bay as us. We reckon we should have a Guinness world record for most inefficient fish filleting. That said it was a big fish and very tasty. Out of 4 generous portions we've already eaten we've had only 2 bones so I think we did OK. If the politicians, military, mad scientists and Jesus freaks would please refrain from starting WWIII, causing the apocalypse, releasing a plague of zombies or rapturing the god botheres please because people like me (and Pete) do not have the skills to survive in a post apocalyptic wasteland. The catering problem is further exacerbated by Pete's misspent youth in Peru, where he once tried raw Peruvian Insanity Chillies (it was the 60's people would take almost anything back then) the resulting mouth damage has left him with a distaste verging on phobia for spicy food. I can't cook much, but most things I can cook are spicy. I like spicy. It means I can't cook. Dinner Is Served We had to get the "Sunbrella" repaired in Gove, we were very lucky Gove's not a big town. I've never heard of a sunbrella nor I'm certain has any one out side the United States of "Whatever", so the conversations relating to finding, recruiting explaining and answering other yachties queries about what we were doing consisted of Pete talking and me injecting the Phrase "UV Strip" every time he said "Sunbrella" to stop the blank looks. For you not yachters a UV strip is some canvas like fabric sewn on to the edges of sails so that it acts as a cover when the sail is rolled up - stops the UV from getting to the sail. Until you really get down to it you don't realise just how different American English is to UK English. Its not the spelling or the language its the terminology. Tomaito, tomarto, Zukini, Courgette, egg plant, aubergine, jelly, jam, biscuits, cookies, mince burger meat, the Galley's a nightmare. That's before you have to deal with the Imperial system, England has been resisting the Metric System for years, the truth is they haven't its been universally adopted, its only when you talk to Americans who actually use it think in it and work in It you realise how little of it is left, I can't now think of a UK sailor who thinks in Feet and Fathoms. In reality we use meters universally. Likewise I don't believe the weather on the telly even mentions Fahrenheit any more. We've got a few hang ups like miles and pints, but when we cook we use metric - we drink pints but we'd never calculate based on them. I guess its like Clint Eastwood in Firefox "Must think in Russian", I can't think in imperial I have to convert. Pete THINKS in imperial. He has to think out loud and to be honest Its probably quicker to do the conversion and do the nice decimal maths than it is to think it right through in Imperial. (FYI US Pint = 16foz UK pint = 20foz just to make it more confusing - we don't even have the same imperial system) 2 am the night before last night this voice goes "Time to cook the doughnuts" I'm sleep deprived and not awake, this made very little sense to me. One good nights sleep and a coffee later and its been explained to me that its a Dunkin Doughnuts advert from the US involving a zombified employee trying to imply the doughnuts are fresh every morning. As a call for me to come on watch it just confused me. I'm used to being woken for emergencies but doughnuts aren't one of them usually. "Cultural differences" Pete's boat is well sorted for an American boat. Its a one ten volt AC but he has a transformer to step it down from 240 volts - many US boats you meet can't use shore power. The telly doesn't do PAL so he can't receive local telly, fair enough Island Kea couldn't do NTSC. The difference is European standards rule the world. The American ones don't get further than South America. So we missed out on telly in Panama City Pete's missing out on Oz. I'm wondering how long the Imperial System will survive in the US. The US is so different, in buoyage, telly electricity - but its the last bastion of the imperial system its caused many a nasa cock up. Its unwieldy and awkward. Will they dump it? Anyway - look out for the "Hole in the Wall" video coming soon... The Hole in the Wall - Video in Production (as soon as I get enough laptop Battery)

Gove (actually)

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 01:44:36 GMT

Back in the Northern Territories, I've made progress on Pete, but he's still not really up to speed with just how sparse bits of Australia are. I didn't manage to get through to him that North of Cairns it gets patchy, and north of Cooktown its pretty much empty all the way to Darwin. We're in Gove a mining town on Aboriginal land on the corner of Arnhem Land, its got a Bauxite mine a decent supermarket a small yacht club and a club in town and probably the only decent coffee machine on the entire coast between Darwin and Cooktown. To buy booze requires a permit which you have to apply for. Its got metalled roads but only local ones, its 700km odd of dirt till you hit the Stewart Highway after that. This probably makes Gove one of the top ten towns in the NT - not counting Darwin's suburbs. Alice is a big town, Tenants Creeks and Katherine are towns then there's Wyndam and after that I'm struggling to find anything bigger than a village. The NT is huge, you could drop the UK into it and not touch the edges I suspect. The population is apparently 200,000. Or less than Brighton and Hove - which is only just counts as a city in UK terms. At Cooktown some 600km south of Cape York you run out of metalled road on the East coast, we've just sailed across the gulf of Carpentaria another 600km, not quite certain but I don't think there's anywhere on its probably 1800km coastline where you can get out without a dirt road. Hell even Darwin's only connected to the rest of Oz by the Stewart Highway right across the continent to South Australia, and branching of it one strip of tarmac called the Barkley to Queensland and another to Wyndam and then on to Broome in Western Australia. So yes, Gove's a pretty big place - we've found someone to repair our Jib and everything. That's the think about the outback. It takes, especially in wet season, so much trouble and cost to get things in and out, that even in a tiny place someone will be able to fix it. Whatever it happens to be. Cos there's no choice. Now in Brighton a city of a Quarter of a million, there's no real sail maker. There are a couple of people who'l patch conventional sails - as we're hoping this guy will. But a racing sail, well you'd probably have to get it to Hydes in the Solent, then they'll package it up and send it to Asia, who'll fix it and send it back. So who's insane now? I think its the city of a quarter million who's sail makers have been replaced by air freight to Thailand from a city and hours drive away? That said, I've spent some quality time in the outback. The outback can be defined as "Where every car you see is a white 4WD Toyota ute". Gove super market car park is errr, the odd (white) Toyota land crusier and a lot of Toyota ute's (pickups). Pete hasn't I'm not sure he's got his head round it. Last place we stopped was Sesia. Population 200, one Petrol station, one shop, a campsite, maybe 10km's of metalled road, one pub at another larger town down the road (population 400 tops). He was astonished at how small it was, I was surprised at how big it was. Given the 600km's of Bush and dirt roads to reach the main drag at Cooktown. Oh and those Toyota's I mentioned they really are universal and every last one of them has a snorkel.

Peregrina

Sun, 29 May 2011 03:59:43 GMT

Just a quick update, before I loose internet up towards Cape Yorkie Bar. I'm sailing with Pete aboard Peregrina to Darwin, where I left my car. Handy huh? Anyway flew to Cairns a few days back we anchored in the lovely river at Port Douglas yesterday, and fair flew up here today. Peregrina rarely sails with poled out Genny, gos the pole is big and heavy, fortunetly with hairy gorilla(me) on board its easier! Right sail for the job today. Port Douglas

Rapture

Sun, 22 May 2011 00:46:19 GMT

The Rapture/judgement day/zombie apocalypse appears not to have happened. Its not the first time this sort of predication has gone awry. But this one has come in the age of facebook and twitter. Harold Camping's predication has been lampooned all over the internet, you tube is chock full of videos - one I've seen gives handy instructions to Christians to cancel newspapers etc. as the dammed will have enough trouble without unnecessary paper rounds to absent rapturees. Twitter, my friends included, has been alive with one liners about it. Its the day after Judgement Day my time now, well into it, and no Rapture. As widely (and often gleefully reported). I heard Harold Camping's prediction the traditional Christian Way, I was handed a leaflet on the streets of Sydney some months back - a very long leaflet in about 9pt. It didn't half go on. I'm not religious, and I admit to having enjoyed the fun poking, even joined in a little. So I am making some serious points here for the religious people of the world. Please, Please, take your religion seriously, but every now and then sit back and take a look at reality. Religious texts were written a long time ago, have been translated and, unfortunately, shaped by unscrupulous people along the way. They still are today. I was taught "all scripture is God breathed". I had a problem with the concept even back then, much of what the bible (and I'll bet other religion's texts too) says is a little unclear and even contradictory. Please, please, don't try and take it literally. God sent prophets to pass these messages along. Unfortunately we understand a great deal more about our selves and the universe - God's creation if you like, than the people who the prophets spoke to. The Bible as a moral compass. A conventional compass is a simple and practical instrument that points north, it is effected we now understand, by factors like its surroundings (eg bits of ferrous metal) and distortions produced by the Earth's crust. Sailors apply corrections to this compass to prevent it giving anomalous readings. When you look to your moral compass please apply the same corrections, it is not moral to persecute people for their faith, sex, sexuality or involvement in non existent witch craft, to sight an example, even if religious texts prohibit it. A simple glance and your moral compass will tell you this is right, and if it deviates slightly from the exact preachings of some Christians you must apply corrections - as we sailors have learned to do with real compasses. Judaism, Christianity and Islam are not separate religions they are the same one. Somewhere, along the line they went their separate ways, your God their God its the same entity. However certain you are of God's will they are just as certain his will his different. A dispassionate observer is forced to conclude they must all be equally valid. Should we discover intelligent life somewhere* out in space, they're going to look at the Abrahamic Religions and scratch whatever they use for a head in confusion. Christianity, Islam hell probably Zoroastrianism have probably been a good influence on the world, and still are today. But before you get on a high horse they've also been used to justify some truly evil things as well. Likewise there are some excellent good works done out their not in the name of a god - just because they need to be done. You don't have to be religious to be good, and being religious is not in its self good. In short right and wrong is not a matter of belief or as a result of European dominance, and Christianity's long hold there. Richard Dawkins looks at the world through atheist eyes and probably agrees with you on 99% of the same right/wrong decisions. Christian justice has long be paraded as the basis of the civilised world. The keystone, to my mind of the worlds justice system in trial by jury of one peers. I have never heard, read, or been told of any Biblical reference to the corner stone of a fair Judicial system. In fact it pre-dates Christianity, Romans and the Ancient Greeks had it, it has nothing to do with the Abrahamic religions The truth is out justice system is not Christian it is secular, and without trial by jury it is nothing, the crimes and codes of conduct we uphold largely coincide with the Christian codes. The Christians and the Atheists can all agree murder is wrong. Taking from others is complicated and can should done on a fair society level, not theft, we can agree on many other things too, protecting the poor, curing the sick. Some cultures and criminal codes do not match ours, particularly in equal rites for women, but not so long ago our own were sadly lacking, we have moved to free slaves and give equality to all under the law, other cultures and countries will follow eventually. Christians and Atheists together will push for this, and we will both go further and fairer than the Bible requires. We (by we I mean the Atheists, We the Peoples of the world, we those who would see humanity flourish), appreciate the good works done in the name of God(s), we support your right to believe what you wish. I would like to make however a request of you. I do not believe in God - yours or anyone else's. I will defend your right to believe till the end of time (when ever that may be), however where I believe different I will fight against those who attempt to force their will upon me with word and deed and heart, but not violence. Please however, get with the 19th century, the bible and, presumably, the Koran as well is not literal truth, the earth, the universe in in infinite majesty is far greater than described in the bible. Humanity amounts far more than the Bible implies. If you believe in God you should look at the wonders we are discovering, about the creation of the universe, our bodies and even the evolution of species. If you are right and God did create he is far greater and clever than the bible suggests - he didn't create the world in 7 days he was far smarter than that. Rejoice and take your religion forward. Do not push forward your conservative leaders, popular with the Christians they might be, but their simplistic approach and literal biblical interpretations will run straight into the cynical educated world of the 21st century and it will chew them up and spit them out. As it has done with Harold Camping, he set out to dedicate his life to Christianity. He has done more for Atheism than Richard Dawkins ever could. Christianity will not be severed by leaders such as Harold Camping, even the Pope is struggling, he is learning that God's only representative on Earth or not he is subject to intense scrutiny and he must debate not dictate. Christians and other religious leaders mush win the arguments, something even American politicians who's conservative Christian views have always been an election requirement are increasingly being asked questions out side their comfort zone. The non event rapture and the massive online response will hasten that process. Christianity, particularity conservative Christianity has been made to look very foolish, very publicly over the last few days. In the unlikely event the emerging middle eastern electorate is reading this do not put such men forward, they will not serve you well in your new hard won democracy. Belief and religion are great but the conservative, over zealous or literal interpretations of ancient texts will not help you cope with complications of the 21st century, nor stand up to dispassionate scrutiny. And scrutinised they will be. * Despite the Monty Python song which says "I hope there's intelligent life somewhere up in space cos there's bugger all down here on earth", there is intelligent life down here, and it will use its intellect, and when it sees something like Camping's predication it will see straight though it and take the piss till the cows come home

Facebook and how to survive it.

Sun, 15 May 2011 00:21:47 GMT

Facebook probably knows more about you than you mum, or maybe even your wife/hubby. You have to remember it was set up for university students who's privacy was pretty much non existantant any way. Since then its snow balled. HR departments love it, you can find out more about a person form facebook than any interview. Your relationships, photos taged with your name at parties your hobbies, organiseations your old school (great as its frequenlty uesed by banks as a security question). Short Version Remove Apps you don't use and don't sign up for crap. Turn SSL (encryption) on. Remove or hide personal data that's not important (date of birth, phone number, address). Watch for scams (odd posts from mates, voyeristic links, celebrity scandal, promices of impossible services) Location Services - Burglars charter and not to mention jealous pet/partner/employer... Check your Privacy settings DON'T RELY ON THIS, I am an ameteur facebook redesigns all the time, every time they do your settings will be defaulted to insecure versions! Here's some tips on how to use Facebook and at least reduce the potential damage to you. Remember if someone else puts up a photo of you a a party full of drugs and tags you in it, it is impossible for you to remove the photo, but you can remove the tag. SSL Security Facebook was the last major place I ever saw not to offer a secure login. In fact in a documentary I was invovled the white hat hacker got my password. This is no longer the case but one your logged in facebook reverts back to insecure mode. You have to manually force SSL (encryption and identification) on. Go to Account (top right), choose Account settings. Scroll down to the Account Security section there's a little link that says change which will show the settings. This will do you no harm, and will prevent ceratin forms of attack on places like wireless hotspots. Scams These are all to common on Facebook, if one of your mates puts a weird link up, that looks like something out of the oridinary - particularly if its promices to tell you "who's looking at your profile", or is something controversial, celebrity scandal or voyeristic its proablaby a scam. "Dad saw his daughter on facebook" or haven't seen it yet but I bet its out there "Bin Laden death pics". Nearly all of these are scams. If you see one of these links do not click it. If you do it will use the permissions you give it to read all your personal data, and hijack your wall to spread the link to your friends, or worse sign you up to premium rate phone services (remember facebook asked you for your mobile number?). If your curious Google the text of the link if its a scam the Google results page will tell you pretty quick - but remember if you click the links YOU ARE STILL LOGGED IN TO FACEBOOK, doesn't matter if you come in via google search - or facebook LOG OUT OF FACEBOOK before you explore the celebraty scandal. Mobile Number Don't give to facbook, every now and again facebook petulantly askes me for mine, I won't give it to them. They don't need it, your email address can't be charged money (not that I gave facebook my primary mail anyway). Your mobile number can very easily be signed up for a premium rate text message service. Privacy Settings This is a huge swamp of a setting. Unless you are running your facebook page as an ad agency, not a personal page, you do not want it set to Everyone, either Friends only or Friends of Friends, but remember some of your mates are dumb, computer neive or haven't read this, freinds of theirs could be ANYBODY. I use the custom box and choose - for instance my address (which I lied to facebook about anyway), and my date of Birth (also a lie) are ME ONLY, nobody can see them. There is no reason I can think of why facebook needs to know this, its an online system not a delivery service. This means nobody says Happy Birthday to me on Facebook, I can live with this, becasue when I ring up a buisness they will ask my date of birth to help prove I am who I say I am its acually me. I DO NOT put my date of brith online. Personal Data Facebook Networks are something nobody uses, they are a legacy from its university origins. Remember your School(s) are security questions on line and on the phone, if you are not activly using yor employer/eduction/hometown network - hell I know I don't! Delete them your real friends know this, your aquaitnances don't care, and a potential identity thief will love them. Location Facebook's location information (places) is slowly catching on, I do use it, with certain caveats. Keep an eye on it. I don't mind saying I'm in Darwin - but I do not want it saying where I am to the nearest millimeter. And remeber if your thowing a sicky and your collegues see "Is at Wembly Stadium" your going to be fired awful quick. Deep in the Custom Privacy Settings I found thisThis would allow SOMEONE else to say where you are! Be careful with this, do not automate it! I'll laught my socks off when I hear a news story about someones wife who goes on facebook and sees "CEO Smith and Secretary Jones are both at Luxuary Hotel" . Make sure its not you. Remember you have facebook on your smartphone and it knows where you are, either by Cell Towers or by GPS or god forbid and you haven't unticked the right boxes above. Your friends will dob you in acedentally! Apps Facebook allows 3rd parties to write simple software addons for facebook. Most are utter shite, some are games or useful additions. When you signup for an app it alows the developer access to your data, your wall and so on. Usually you will use one of these apps once or twice and then forget about it. It will do no harm to go and clear out the dross. Facebook has made this tricky to find its at the Bottom left of the Privacy settings page. I have only Twitter, an integration app from my photo gallery software and a youtube app that's it

Angry Wangry

Sat, 14 May 2011 04:25:47 GMT

Just been researching RS's new boat the RS100. Looks a little like an MX Ray. It appears the RS100's a bloomin good boat selling well etc etc etc. Unlike the MX Ray which was an appaling lump of junk. Before you watch the following video be aware its all tripe. "The fastest monohull in the world" - My arse, I've never seen one beat a 20 year old laser. In case the few people on forums folornly asking questions about this failed excuse for a boat, find as I have, a few 10 year old webpages, or god forbid the infamous video of lies above and you'd be exited about it. Sounds good? It wasn't. It was dog slow, really, you'll note in the video there's no upwind. In fact I and other dispasionate observers have noticed it was dreadul up wind. On any couse you choose it can't even beat a laser. A design 30 years older than it. The sites like this one talk about a light hull. Its 52kg a laser's only 59 and that was desinged in 1970! Its a heavy boat with a lousy hull shape misserably uncomforble to sail. Apparently it can go 20ks, frankly I doubt it, the mast wouldn't take it. The UK site leftover for them claims more honestly "One of the fastest monohulls in the world" think the UK distributer was getting cold feet, and even then he was lying, it doesn't come close. It wasn't even the fastest production boat, even if you ignored its dreadful up wind speed and looked at its turn of speed down wind its really wasn't in the same league. In my and these guys opinion it may have just piped a laser on a broad reach, but not enough to justify the claims made. To put in in even more perspective, contenders have been around for decades at this point (about 98 the MX came in the US out 2000 they got to the UK) the RS600 was lauched in 94, they are both producation perfomace boats that would have absolutly no chance of even being able to see an MX Ray in their wash. There's plenty of other boats older and faster than an MX Ray, the blaze is a hiking dinghy with racks rather than flares will take a MX to the cleaners on any point of sail you like, to be honest I'd bet on supernovas, phantoms anything quicker than a laser, which is a long list. "Planes in 6 knots of wind" - no it does't even if you put a small child on it wouldn't look at the bendy mast and the 52 kilos hull - a windsufter can't plane in 6 knots of breeze. "High speed in any wind" errm alowing for the fact its slow in any wind its even worse in the light stuff. I can't be bothered to go out on the net and proove it was't the first aysemetrical single hander, but I know it was tried on the 600 in 94 and the idea was abandoned. I'm sure there were Internatioal Canoes out there with aysermeteics by that time. So if someones selling you an MX or you look at the new RS100 and think an old MX Ray will be simialar. Stop read this and don't buy it. You can't get spares, you're bum will hurt and you will be left wishing you'd bought a clapped out old laser. I suspect the reason the MX Ray died out so fast and so spectaculrly was the massive yawning chasm between the sales pitch and the truth its "its mother was a tricycle" What? Eh? its Father was a "Rocket Ship" unfortunatly its desiger and its builder weren't so impressive, its marketing department lied so badly its a miracle they weren't sued. It makes me Angry, people I know had these and I felt so sorry for them being beaten by 20 year old lasers with sails you could poke a finger through. When the bits dried up we put the last abandoned one in a skip took three of us. The skip van driver took it back out - even he didn't want it.

Mon, 09 May 2011 05:24:27 GMT

We have to put up with Alan Sugar on the apprentice (and jokes about him on the Now Show) - Amstrad is dead people, likewise Sinclair appeared in a tv remake of his life a year or two back. The Spectrum is long dead. Nothing now remains of this my geek generation peice of computing history. These people brought you the useless emailing telephone and the C5 respectivly. Why are they the 80's computing people on my telly? I didn't have a Spectrum or an Amstrad I had an Acorn BBC (guess I'm middle class). The BBC model b, like the Spectrum and CPC is no longer with us, but unlike Amstrad and Sincalirs its legacy is still with us. What has it got in its pocketesess? The BBC is gone, gone too is Acorn, its debts paid off in shame by its own subsidury company. You've heard of intel right? Ibm? Apple? M$?The big boys of the computer world? Well there's another much quierter big boy out there called ARM. You've got an ARM processor on you right now, you may even be reading this on one, chances are you've more than one. The A in ARM stood originaly for "Acorn" who made the BBC, Sinclair and Sugar may be with us in popular culture, but nobody, even me, can name the guy behind Acorn but from (and originally designed on the BBC) come a franckly stunning array of computing devices. The future, possibly, of computing. When I say you've go one on you, the hottest phone on the block is the iPhone - deep in its guts, beneath the apple logos, your collection of smutty texts and Stephen Fry Tweets at its beating heart, the CPU, is an ARM core designed via Acorn's spin off of its Acorn RISC Machine processor. Not got an iPhone? Well it doesn't matter what you've got from a old chocolate block Nokia through Android to the iPad 2 and your shiny new tablet they're all direct (ish) decendents of the ugly (and lets be honest - it was) box with Elite and Chucky Egg on it. Even if I'm wrong and you one of the 2% or so mobiles that don't have an ARM in them you've probably got one somewhere, in your car or your washing machine, your modem router or some of your toys. Nintendo DS - ARM, iPods - ARM, your TV set top box will probably have one. I mean these guy's out sell intel CPU's by an order of magnitude. OK so they don't make them them selves, but when you buy one of these devices a company in Cambridge's cash till goes "kching". The Future's Bright I keep hearing stories about ARM, only cos I'm a geek and even most geeks don't realise the UK connection let alone the BBC Micro. Now some of the stories are far fetched, but, and its a big but, they're not so far fetched as all that. Recently I hear ARM chips taking on intel in servers in the near future. I hear Apple laptops may soon swich to ARM from intel. Now there's a lot of rumor and speculation in there. But what made ARM the worlds most dominant mobile and imbeded processor are ideal suited to the buzz words of the current IT industry. From Ugly Duckling to Swan T'was an acident, almost, Acorn couldn't afford to go for the top end computing market, they didn't have the muscles, they also couldn't find a chip to upgrade the BBC micro/master line. So they decided to design one them selves. It had to be cheap enough and powerfull enough rather than the ultimate. This led to them using the design system that your all familur with. Keep it Simple Stupid, the processor they came up with had feature that turned out to be really really handy. It was cheap, much faster than anything else in its price range and because of its simple internal structure allowed for things a complicated CPU can't do. Like stop in the middle of stuff, and carry on where it left of. A feature that's very handy for saving battery. The upshot was, for the time, a quite powerfull, cheap CPU which, crucially, needed very little electrisity. Now here we are in the 21st centuary, faces lit by our smart phone screens, Intel are rattled, Microsoft are rattled, a couple of years back we all did everything internet or IT with an intel CPU and a Windows OS - it was that or a god awful Amstrad emailing telephone. Now we use facebook on our tellies, our phones and soon tablets. They don't run on intel and they don't run Windows. So when you hear the rumors you wonder, is ARM the next big thing (not that is isn't already). Then you hit the facts, Windows runs on x86 - intel's cpu's. Well Microsoft is making windows 8 run on ARM as well. Intel hates it - it sells Atom chips to netbooks, it doesn't want to, every cheap Atom (intel's low power chip), is a lost sale of a posh chip. Microsoft has to sell windows cheap to netbooks, cos the price of a netbook is so low the full windows price would make them so expencive the makers would have to use linux on the, which is free. So tell me again why the hell do I have to look at Alan Bloody Sugar on my bloody telly? I bet is poxy email bloody telphone no body buys has an ARM CPU in it.. In the words of Monty Python "What did Acorn ever do for us!"? Pictures curetesy of Wikimedia

Set your clock back 5 years and thirty minutes.

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 01:51:57 GMT

The sign on the wall of the road house in the last fuel station before the Qeensland border tells you to set your clock forward 5 years and the 1/2 hour for the time zone change between Queensland an the Northern Territories. Yes I'm back in the Top End. Daly Waters to be precice. Stayed here last night, and tonight as well. I'm hoping I'm so far out into the middle of nowhere that the royal wedding won't be an option. Not certain about that, the chances are that out here in the outback the monachists are probably rife. Will probably upload this is Darwin, very brief signal at Tennants Creek 2 days ago but nowt since then - there is Telstra here, my old phone worked, but the new one does not like telstra's "Next G" signal. Which is annoying. Daly Waters is a hell of a pub, it no coincidence I've stopped here again on my way north, I thoughtaly recomend it. Been reading up in the local international air port (on hanger, over grown one muddy cessna). It really was once the hub or international air travel, and a station on the over land telegraph. Its never managed to attract a popultion in three figures mind. Creek Pub Air Strip. Thats about it. Abort Takeoff there's a Pom on the runway. Creek Pub (old Pic from end of Dry, much greener now after the Wet)

Waltzing Matilda (alt version)

Sat, 23 Apr 2011 22:42:02 GMT

In the Isa (Mount Isa) been down't pit. Twas cool. Anzac day tomorrow. Wondering weather to stay or go. Probably go, aparently 60 down the road is free camping. Probably get a few beers and some ice and camp there for the night if I can find a bottleo open on easter sunday. That'll leave on more town between here and the NT. Need to send a few mails no real reason for a blog. I posted this on Facebook after the breakdown a couple of days ago: Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong,Under the shade of a Coolibah tree,And he cursed as he saw a light flashing on his dashboardYou'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me.Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda,You'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me,And he swore as he watched a light flashing on his dashboardYou'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me.....................Back drove the swag man, back to the billabongHe searched for a garage but the garage was too busyAnd he crawled and he wriggled as he fiddled with his alternatorYou'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me.Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda,You'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me,And he crawled and he wriggled as he fiddled with his alternatorYou'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me......................Up rose the swagman, up from beneath his vanOff went the warning lights One Two ThreeWhose that pommy bush mechanic camped by the Billabong?You'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me. Waltzing Matilda Waltzing MatildaYou'll come a Waltzing Matilda with meWhose that pommy bush mechanic camped by the Billabong?You'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me.......................Up jumped the swagman sprang into the driving seatMy clapped out bangerrsquo;s still alive said he,And his oil stains may be seen as you pass by that billabongYou'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me. Waltzing Matilda Waltzing MatildaYou'll come a Waltzing Matilda with meAnd his oil stains may be seen as you pass by that billabongYou'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me. Shella from Miss Tippy has requested a musical version with me singing, I don't believe she was there for either of my last singing outings "Paint it Black" by the Stones in Nuie, and the campfire in Nuku Hiva. So I'll give her the benifit of the doubt. Believe me you don't want to hear me sing.

camped by the Billabong

Thu, 21 Apr 2011 02:46:20 GMT

I'm in Winton, again. I Broke down. The big 400k Winton is the home of 'Waltzing Matilda'. I'm sure you know it, its author Banjo Patterson ("Banjo" was also the name of his fathers horse) first heard the story at the billabong here. He wrote the words on a station down the road and it was first performed to music here, right here, in the the North Gregory Hotlel (beer and free camping). Yeah I'm in the bar, I earned it, fortunatly Central Motors, the local garage being to buisy, sugested I fix my van my self. Think 30 degree heat, dust devils blowing through the dusty yard by the garage. Repair took hours, frustrating ones, and cost $15 dollars. I actually broke down 90km up the road, and had to drive back. That's about $30 fuel. Yes my alternator failed. Fortunately this is one of the bits of the Tarago - still unnamed, that I know well. T'was not working for three reasons when I bought it. Belt, loose conection and stuck brushes. If you don't know what brushes are that's your problem. Mine were terribly worn when I unjammed them in Darwin, so I naturally assumed they'd gone. That's the 15 bucks. It wasn't the problem, no it was a broken wire, but they were already barely in contact with the commutator. Obviouslty that ment crawling in the dust under the van, a van with 401000km on the clock, yep it finally rolled over a few days back. My other clock rolled over too, meaning I've driven it nearly 12000km. Wire is soldered back on and taped. Black engine, back connector, right in the dark under the van, amouncst the back oil next to the other two black wires coming from a black loom. Goths may enjoy it - I didn't. The Original Quantas Hanger Apart from that the trips being fab, I particularly recomend the Queensland and Northern Territories Aerial Service museam at Longridge . Quantas was fomed here, in Winton, with one clapped out biplane, funded moslty by farmers, who knew even if you did order something it would take months to get out here, even when the weather allowed it to move at all, unsuprisingly it was an early Quantas airplane and a Missionary Doctor who started what became the flying doctor service. For those of you who know Waltzing Matilada, but can't follow it a Swag is Ausie for tent, so swagman's a bit of a bum, recon I qualify. Tucker is food, so tucker bag is obvious. A billabong is a pond, a waterhole, usually in a dry riverbed - no shortage of them here. A jumbuck is a sheep - they wander here, a station (Ranch) can be 1000 square miles here abouts. A colibar is a type of tree, you don't need me to translate that bit. Billy is pot for cooking food on a fire, or making tea. So once a jolly bum camped by a water hole, in the shade under a tree, waiting for his tea to boil, a sheep wandered up, he stole it and stuck it (or some choise cuts I imagine) in his bag, then when the cops turned up, instead of giving him self up to outback justice dived into the pool never to be seen again. The song ausies are famous for is about sheep russling. Pretty sure I wouldn't want to be done for that rap out here, recon they'ed take it pretty seriously. I'd dive into the billabong, specially after a day under a van in desert like heat. Bah Humbug, laptop battery dying, charges off the Alternator or did when I had one, so had a little charge before I unplugged to save lecky earlier. My have to steal some elecrons of someone. Charging Laptop v getting back to civiliseation is not hard decistion. Not out here with the Easter Weeked coming on. Could wait for ages by a billabong and end up eating somneone else's sheep if I broke fown out there. More likey the sheep'd eat me.

Things you didn't know about me

Tue, 12 Apr 2011 09:20:07 GMT

I caused the Bloop ('twas an exelent curry). I am the real king of Redonda I am the only thing Chuck Norris is scared of. I know where Lord Lucan went (he is dead now, we gave him a fantastic funeral, despite his crimes) I am not the Stig, sorry, but its true. I Gave Freddie Starr that Hamster, I still feel bad about it, poor little hammy. I had to go the pet shop and gett another one, or tales of the riverbank would have been canceled. I wrote the Voynich manuscript man was I drunk, no idea what its about. Seem like a good idea at the time. PierToPier.net broadcast the Wow! signal yes it was and accedent and yes it was my fault (and no its not the root password) I sort have, may of tied the mooring lines on the Marie Ceacute;leste, and I was sort of hungover that day. I have a good idea, but run out of imagination before I get to the customary 10 items.